Having a healthy loving relationship is similar to own a car. In order to have the car running steady for long mileage, it need the ‘right kind of fuel’. This was the analogy used by Danny Silk – the writer of “Keep Your Love on”. Danny also quoted 5 love languages from Dr . Gary Chapman, author and renowned marriage counsellor in the Book “The Secrete to Love that Lasts”. Chinese version
What are the Five Languages of Love?
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Healthy psychical touches
The most common language of love is the psychical touches, everyone needs it, its like having a small meter inside the body measuring the level of affection touching. Without physical touches, the meter reading will start to climb showing the increasing desire. At shortage, people start to exhibit anxiety, irritation. With the right level of physical touches, people feel safe, loved and in their best condition to perform. The touches need to be healthy and loving to show the affection for each other. Involuntary or unwilling physical contacts would not help reducing the anxiety. People also need to communicate the needs of psychical touches to their love ones – what works, what does not, and keep the happy figures in their meter readings.
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Acts of services
Every time when there is an Act of services – ‘Let me do that for you’, the acts covert into the currency, and deposit in the bank of love. Similarly when the level of the deposit start to decline, the anxiety start to grow. Some people may express their anxiety through crying out, like “Wash the dirty dishes!”, “Feed the dog!” or “Who’s bag is this in the middle of the room!”. The anxiety level deepens when the despair signal was ignored or receives passive responses. More importantly, the passive responses do not generate any value in the bank of love, because they do not addressed to the real needs – need for love, attention – the act of services for love.
To grow the bank deposit of love, you will need to find out the RIGHT act of services (for love) needed by your partner and deliver those acts without any grudge, willingly and show your affection for them.Of course, the people whom value the importance of Act of services will need to communicate the needs and make the partner know how those Acts are important for you to make you felt loved.
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Receiving Gifts
People have a desire to know their value in the heart of their dear ones. Am I important to you? Do you understand me? Do you thinking about me all the time? The message delivered by a beautiful loving gift is – ‘I know you well, and my attention is always on you’. Gift is not only a great vehicle to deliver the powerful love message, but is is also a perfect way to show your affection for one another. It can be done anytime, anywhere, with any reason, to confirm the love for each other. Remember it has to come from your heart and price tag is not always the most important factor.
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Quality Time
Quality time again shows – how much you are interested in the person, and willingness to spend time to be with each other. An undivided attention and being there at the critical moments leave feelings of satisfied and comforted and being cared. It can be an afternoon walk or doing something together. Distraction, postponed dates or failure to listen can be hurtful even when you are physically together. Hence duration of time is not the key factor but the devotion and deep connection with each other determine the successfulness of a quality time.
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Words of affirmation
In a relationship, words from the closest person carried a huge weight, and a simple praise or compliment often mean a lot, it generates comfort and deepens the relationship. However a negative comment or criticism can break everything easily and generate a hurtful feeling. Not everyone value the same weight of the Words of affirmation, however if your partner does give a great weight on your words, you may want to try a “Gigantic jumbo sandwich method” when you delivering your constructive criticism. This sandwich started with a thick layer of positive encouraging words, wrap around the constructive suggestions, and add another thick layer of encouragement with repeated message of I love you to reduce the anxiety and bring comfort.
The need for these 5 love languages varied person to person, so talk to your love one and learn their most desire, creating your special Formula to a Strong Love, establish a solid loving relationship. This is also a spiritual war, a struggle between fear and love. In order to win the war, you need to know the facts, plan and act. I believed when you choose to make alliance with Love, you are on the winning side. May God bless you always.